Box full of awesomeness!
by So-Un-Funny
Summary: Based off LolliDictator's Manual fics.   Never answer the door to a delivery guy who wants to deliver a Hetalia Unit, seriously...unless you're a fangirl then   go right ahead! Warning,light violence, Trigger Happy Switzerland, light swearing and PRUSSIA!
1. Chapter 1

**Box full of awesomeness!**

**Author's Note:**  
Based off LolliDictator's Manual fics, which are awesome by the way!

Chapter 1; Damn you bunny of mintyness!

Today was meant to be a normal Friday, a day with me running around my specially designed house trying to finish my coursework. Well, I say specially designed house, what I mean is a house that was made around my claustrophobia as in lots of big rooms. But obviously something had to spoil the 'normalness' of my Friday.

But before that, I really, really need to introduce myself. My name is Alyssa Hayward, but my friends just call me Asa, which means 'born at dawn' in Japanese, ironic considering I was born in the afternoon. I'm eighteen years old, I live alone (Poor, poor me!), I have greeny-brown eyes and I have my blonde hair cut into bangs, which apparently make me look like Switzerland, except I had my hair cut like that way before Hetalia was even released!

Anyway, I was running round my house, as per usual, looking for my recipe journal; it's a pretty awesome journal, it has a picture of England on the front holding a frying pan and on the back it has all the other nations running in terror, as I said it's awesome. Eventually I found it lying on the counter in the kitchen, the only room I had neglected to check, when I heard the doorbell.

'It's got to be the neighbours, probably come to shout at me for no goddamn reason.' I sighed, abandoning the recipe journal. I jogged down the stairs, ignoring my clicking heels and stopped by the door.

"Who is it?" I yelled, leaning against the wall next to the door. I jumped when the letter flap popped open, "Special delivery, I'll need you to sign for it." The letter flap snapped shut.  
I pulled the door open; my face was now a mask of confusion.

"What is it? I never ordered _anything_!" I mumbled, snatching the electronic signy-thing from the delivery guy's hands.  
"Two Hetalia units, courtesy of Flying Mint Bunny co. There are more coming…be prepared." He whispered the last sentence, but I ignored it.  
"Still, I didn't order anything! Unless, well I do know some people who would order this sort of thing… But wait, did you say Hetalia? I love Hetalia!" I shouted, tossing the signer back to the delivery guy as he started to wheel the boxed units inside.

* * *

"Now remember, the manuals have been numbered exactly like the boxes. The unit's things are in a smaller box above their original box." The delivery guy said slowly, handing me two numbered envelopes. I nodded.  
"And the customer services number should be in the manuals, okay?" I nodded again, before shutting the door behind him. I flopped to the floor, blowing my fringe out of my eyes.

"Let's see who I got lumped with then." I sighed, opening envelope one.  
'ARTHUR KIRKLAND: User Guide and Manual' I jumped up, whooping with joy. My home nation, England! The guy who sees magical…things…

I flicked through the manual, muttering to myself, searching for the instructions on how to wake him up.  
"Ah ha! Don't worry Iggy; I'll have you out of that evil man eating box of doom!" I shouted to myself; damn I need to calm down…  
"Removal of your ARTHUR KIRKLAND Unit from Packaging,  
Awakening your ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit is generally quite simple, but if he was jostled during shipment it could be harder. We have provided this list of failsafe ways to wake your unit, jostled or not, which will not result in you missing any body parts at the end. Your unit tends to make a lot more assumptions than he should, which might result in some terrifying moments while getting him up, but don't worry - he won't really hurt you, unless you're a FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit.  
1. Set a plate of hamburgers next to the box, preferably with a fan to force the aroma towards the box with. Momentarily, your unit will shout at you to get the food out of his face before kicking his way out of the box unless you move the food within two seconds. It is advised to stand a few metres away to avoid being stabbed with bits of the box. Once he realizes that you are not an ALFRED F. JONES unit, he will apologize for his "ghastly behaviour" and introduce himself, and you are free to reprogram him then.  
2. Play either "Saving Grace" or "The Star-Spangled Banner" as loudly as you can. If you play the first song, your unit will hum or sing to it in his box and it is safe to remove the lid; if you play the second, your unit will shout at you to "turn that damn racket down" and again claw his way out of the box if you do not stop the music. Again, once he notes that you are not in fact an ALFRED F. JONES, he will apologize and be perfectly cordial towards you, allowing you to reprogram him.  
3. Clink two glass alcohol bottles - preferably scotch or whiskey - together, in earshot of the box, but not too close lest you be hit by flying bits of wood as your unit scrambles for them. As soon as ARTHUR KIRKLAND has gotten out of the box, he will thank you for the alcohol and chug it; while he does so, you can reprogram him.  
4. Cook an aromatic Spanish or French dish and set it down near the box. Your unit will laugh, start to punch his way through the box and ask in an evil tone whether you want to get your ass kicked again. When he sees that you are not an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO or FRANCIS BONNEFOIS unit, he will ask you to excuse his behavior.  
5. If you are certain that shipping went perfectly, you can just open the box and hope he doesn't reach out and try to kill you for waking him up incorrectly." I read out loud, mentally judging the five options, organising them into the safest and the most risky and the one that I would find funnier.

"Ugh, I hope his shipment went okay, I mean that's my only option!" I walked over to the box, finding the metal catch the box flicked open. I sucked in a breath, mentally praying that telling Arthur that I'm one hundred per cent British would save my bacon if he had been ruffed up in the van.

"Are you quite alright?" I blinked, releasing my held breath and glanced up at Arthur. I blushed, 'well done me, you've just made yourself look _really_ sane…'

"I. I'm fine thanks…Uh, how are you?" I squeaked, mentally facepalming at my patheticness.  
"I'm very well thank you, but seriously, a. Wooden. Box. What were they thinking? I'm Arthur Kirkland by the way and you are?" He kicked the now empty wooden box; the smaller box above it fell down, narrowly avoiding the other unit's box.  
"Ah, yes…Um, I'm Alyssa Hayward, but you can just call me Asa." We shook hands, 'finally someone's got their confidence back!' Pulling my hand away I ripped open the other envelope, mentally praying for another reasonably sane unit.

'VASH ZWINGLI: User Guide and Manual' my face started to turn red; it was _him_ the one which my friends paired me with whenever they wrote a Hetalia fanfic, the one who apparently was my twin brother…wait, ugh my friends have dirty minds!  
"Great, I'm stuck with trigger-happy." England sighed, I chuckled,  
"At least you're not stuck with Prussia! How you guys can stand him, I'll never know!" my face was still a bit pink, I sucked in another breath and began searching for methods of waking Switzerland wake up which wouldn't result with me having a bullet shot through my head.

"Option three looks good; I'll just go get my gun!" I shouted giving England the manual.  
"Wait what? You can't fire a gun in the house and why do you have a gun you're only a teenager!" He shouted at me as I ran to my bedroom.  
"One, it's my house, I'll fire a gun if I want to! And two, I'll explain later!" I shouted back down the stairs, laughing to myself. I flung myself into my room and grabbed my gun and some ammo out of my wardrobe.  
I loaded my gun as I ran back to the hallway.

"Wait! I need a target! England? Are you-"  
"NO, you may not shoot at me!" I pouted, spinning round I tacked a piece of paper to the floor, 'better safe than sorry.' I chuckled to myself.

I aimed the gun and prepared to fire.

* * *

Please review, or England's gonna be making your Lunch tomorrow!


	2. Chapter 2

**Box full of awesomeness!**

**Author's Note:**  
Wow three reviews in one night! I just realised that the name for Chapter 1 'Damn you bunny of mintyness' actually had no relevance to that chapter, oops…I blame that completely on Physics Homework, which I started while I was typing that chapter up. I've just watched '[APH] High Iggy Laughs for 10 Minutes' on YouTube and now I can't stop laughing like Iggy! Oh and is the Hetalia wiki working for you? The Shoutwiki one…It's not loading for me, just saying.  
_**Rikkamaru-**_ Thanks, I kind of jumped on the mostly full bandwagon for this, I just had to write it!  
_**invisiblecanada- **_Don't worry you won't have to eat England's food! I'll try to keep this up; if I don't my Hetalia obsessed friends will probably kill me…  
_**CandyCoatedCute- **_I was gonna put two 'connected' units in, but I had the great scenario of my OC wanting to shoot England to wake Switzerland up, plus they're my two favourite Nations!

**Disclaimer: (Forgot one last time!)  
**I don't own Hetalia, Mr Himaruya does! Also, LolliDictator owns the Manual Fics! I only own my OC, who I can't sell for much money…

_**WARNING: MY OC LIKES SWEARING, AS IS SHOWN IN THIS CHAPTER!**_

Chapter 2; Room full of alarm clocks.

"England, I need a target! Would you be so kind as-"  
"NO! I will not be your bloody target!" I shrugged, pushing him into the corner.  
"Fine, have it your way. You'll just have to stand in the emo corner!" Yes, it's true; I painted a corner of my room black and named it the emo corner, England sighed dejectedly. I pulled a piece of paper out of my pocket, sticking it to the floor.

"Hasta la vista, paper!" I chuckled manically, aiming my gun down at the poor blank sheet.

I fired.

Then my gun was taken away…By a grumpy looking Switzerland, bad move Blondie.  
"What the fuck, man! Give me my gun back, you Chocolate Whore!" I then proceeded to have a tug of war over my gun with Switzerland. Seriously, touch my gun and I'll kill you. But calling Switzerland a 'Chocolate Whore' is even more of a bad idea, worse than touching my gun.  
"Don't call me a Chocolate Whore! You don't even know how to handle a gun properly!" Switzerland snapped.  
"I do fucking know how to handle a gun, I've been trained to!" I snapped back.

"Honestly, I'm stuck with two idiots." England mumbled from the emo corner, I glanced over Switzerland's shoulder, remembering that the bushy-browed Nation was still here. I mumbled an apology to Switzerland, releasing the gun. I snatched up the bullet hole filled piece of paper.  
"Ha, the bullets ricochet; into…no, NOT THE GODDAMNED DOOR!" I glared at the door, the bullets wedged firmly into the wood, "That was my favourite door…" I sighed. Turning back to the two Nations, I cleared my throat.

"Sorry about that. I tend to get a bit…uh, trigger happy sometimes." I smiled; I held my hand out to Switzerland, "I'm Alyssa, by the way." He reluctantly shook my hand.  
"Vash Zwingli." I nodded, pulling my hand away I walked up to England's box of belongings.  
"These are yours I think." I handed them to England, taking Switzerland's manual out of his hands, "Vash, Switzerland, Chocolate Whore, yours is up there." I pointed on to the small box perched precariously on the larger box. He just glared at me.

"Fine I'll get it then. And I'll keep calling you a Chocolate Whore until I get my gun back." I mumbled, reaching to grab the box; I'll admit I'm only Five foot five and a bit, damn you genes, but the box loomed over me slightly, it was like six foot tall, which is weird considering that Switzerland isn't even that tall! Finally I managed to pull the box down, with some help from England; he's such a nice guy!  
"Hey, dude, can I like trade your stuff for my gun!" I put on a fake American accent, holding out the box to Switzerland, who just sighed and handed me my gun. Okay, I may have neglected to tell you about my Italy curl in my hair, it's my ultimate weak spot, that was abused a lot back in secondary school; unfortunately the gun brushed that curl, causing me to flush and let out a squeal. Ugh, damn you Italy curl!

"Are you alright?" Switzerland and England were giving me odd looks.  
"I'm fine it's just…the gun…and the curl…like Italy…" The words rocketed out of my mouth, so fast it sounded like a mass of squeals. My face burned, "I'll explain later." I grimaced, handing Switzerland his stuff. I pointed to the stairs.  
"I'll show you your rooms." They were still looking at me oddly as I marched up the stairs.

* * *

"Okay that's my room, the one opposite is 'the room of broken clocks', the place where my broken alarm clocks go. So effectively you can choose out of the four spare rooms on this floor. If not, there are six more upstairs, or two in the basement." I said, leaning against the door to my room, "I'll be in here if you need me." I quickly opened the door, slid inside and shut the door before I could make even more of a fool of myself.  
I dumped my gun in my wardrobe, abandoned the manuals on my desk and then threw myself on to my bed.

I leaned against the pillows, my head in my hands. 'Okay, so I have two Nations in my house, more are likely to arrive. I've made a fool of myself with my gun obsession and my goddamned Italy hair curl. I blame this on bad karma…but I haven't been mean to anyone. I've actually been relatively good since college started.'

_Knock knock._

"Who's there?" I giggled.  
"Switzerland."  
"Switzerland who?" I giggled again, "You can come in Vash! I'm just messing with you!" I still had my head in my hands when Switzerland walked in, I stopped giggling.  
"Can I help you?" I mumbled, removing my hands from my face, Switzerland just stood there watching me.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to stare?" I sat up, staring back.  
"You were acting strange a few minutes ago…" I blinked, though I should expected this, even a Nation/Unit would notice my odd behaviour.  
"Congratulations, you're only the millionth person to point out my mental instability. No, seriously, it's just today has turned out weird, I try to finish my Food Tech coursework then you guys arrive…Ugh, I don't even need to do that coursework…" I sighed, "Yes I'm slightly insane, but that's my dad's fault…"

I jumped off the bed and brushed past Switzerland, who followed me out of my room.  
"I guess I should explain everything now, well not everything, even I don't know everything!" I chuckled, "Which room is-"  
"I'm right here." I jumped, spinning round to face England.  
"Don't fucking do that, seriously!" I snapped, England just smiled apologetically, while Switzerland just had his grumpy face on.

* * *

I marched my way along the corridor, into a large living room.  
"Sit down, I'll…explain some stuff." I muttered flopping onto one of the many sofas, England and Switzerland sat quietly on the armchairs facing me. I took a deep breath.

"Okay, what I'm going to tell you is something which has happened quite recently, well last year, two days after my eighteenth birthday. But really this all started almost nine years ago, when I was ten. My Dad attempted to murder me and my Mum. He locked me in an airing cupboard for three weeks, giving me very little food and water, but enough to keep me alive. He did the same thing to my Mum. After that event my Dad was arrested and given a 'life' sentence in prison, my Mum was left suffering from paranoia and I developed claustrophobia. Then the government got involved…They took my little brothers and sister away, changed our names and built this place." I sighed, tears forming in my eyes.

England and Switzerland were silent all the way through my explanation.  
"Then for seven years me and my Mum lived here together, the government paying half of our bills and sending us money every month; I never questioned it, to me that was normal, having money given to us. But as I said, last year, just after my birthday, my Dad was released from prison. He came straight here and he…" I paused; tears rolling down my face, I squeezed my eyes shut.

One of the Units pulled me into a gentle hug.  
"Don't worry; you don't have to tell us anything more." It was England, I nodded. Then Switzerland spoke up, "He killed your Mother."  
"Yes," I looked up, "But I killed him back."

* * *

A/N: Ooh, dramatic ending…Remember to review!


End file.
